This provides New Zealand’s best argument for the existence of the free market; the absence of competition in Manapouri has allowed the Cathedral Cafe to remain in existence with stodgy food and customer service that would make a Talliban ambush look welcoming.

We stopped at the cafe on the way back from Doubtful Sound just in time for an early lunch. We had a largish party and service was relatively quick. My husband and I were the last to order and I ordered a plain cheeseburger (with no mayo) for my husband. We waited for quite some time (the reason for which later became obvious) and said cheeseburger arrived drowned with tomato ketchup. As we had ordered a plain cheeseburger we asked the waitress for this to be replaced with a plain cheeseburger and although she seemed awkward she also seemed happy to do this. Some moments later a second woman arrived at our table with all the bellicosity of Boudicca on the rampage, breathing accusatory words of fire.

As someone from the UK I am perfectly willing to accept that there may be some divergence between the local patois and what we Brits refer to as a “plain cheeseburger.” What was absolutely unaccetable – and made me want to set up a rival establishment next door – was the stream of invective that followed which made clear that if we wanted a replacement cheeseburger this would be at extra cost and the quite incredulous assertion that they had gone out of their way to turn on the grill and deep fat fryer (for which, as a paying customer I dutifully apologised!) despite my meal being on the lunch menu. The maxim “the customer is always right” has clearly not reached the shores of Manapouri.

This was hands down the most arrogant, conceited and customer-hostile display I have ever seen in a paid establishment. It took all of our calm and composure not to tip the burger onto the floor and despite the monopoly on the market, faced with a choice between dining at the Cathedeal Cafe and starvation it would be a 50:50 call at best.So obviously we left